So I’ve been thinking of future posts; thinking quite a bit actually. I wanted something that I could keep going back to and was, ultimately, very relatable. And voilà! An idea struck me. As I’ve battled anxiety in many forms since my teen years, what better avenue to explore than retelling memorable moments of anxiety that I’ve experienced. I want to show people the reality of it all; the serious struggles, the ridiculous times, the uncontrollable nature of anxiety. If any of them resonate or strike a chord with you, feel free to give me a message or a comment. Opening up is healthy.
This particular scenario concerns social anxiety; something I’ve been trying to fight against for YEARS. It all started in secondary school and just seemed to get worse and worse. About 8 years ago, I was due to go to a very close friends birthday party at her house. I’d been there on loads of occasions so I knew the setting. I got along well with her parents too. But I didn’t know anyone else who was going. I’d not met any of the other guests before. Sure it’s natural and totally human to feel slightly apprehensive before meeting new people, but not the extent that I felt. I was fretting about it for days and days beforehand. Once I was there and was introduced to everyone, you’d think I’d have mellowed out a bit. Alas, you’d be very very wrong. I felt utterly awkward. I was terrified that people wouldn’t like me as I was being really quiet. I was worried they’d be judging me. I was scared that the first impression I was making would ruin any friendships before they’d even started. And no, I’m not exaggerating.
Once my mum came to take me home, I spent the entire journey, and long after that, talking through it all with my mum; simply rehashing the points I’d outlined above but to an almost obsessive level. Trust me, going over and over something like that is not only tedious and annoying, it’s ridiculously unhealthy and draining. But at the time, it was the only coping mechanism I knew. I couldn’t just forget about it and move on. I needed to pick apart and analyse everything that had happened. It got to the stage where I worked myself into a total state. A low mood crept over me. It was awful.
Until next time, readers x