Yes I’m going to write one of those posts. But who doesn’t like a good list? Let me explain a bit first. I’ve not had much luck with dating; I’ve been single pretty much my entire life so far. But I frankly don’t give a shit about it. I’m happy in myself and know that I’ve got plenty to offer someone. I just haven’t found them yet. ANYWAY! I’m getting distracted. This next list is all about signs you’re with the wrong person, need to end the relationship etc. BUT, here’s a slight twist, these are all things that I’ve experienced before. I’m not combing through the internet for other peoples stories. I want this to be personal, sincere and not remotely sugar-coated. Heck, maybe it’ll even help some of you guys. Some of these signs will be quite blatant and obviously show that something is up. Others may not be quite so simple.
1) Your mental health has taken an unexplained beating
Okay so this one is incredibly difficult to pinpoint for some. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for years and I take medication for both. I’m usually pretty stable, level and balanced; my moods are generally positive. Of course I’ve had many blips and dips. Sadly that’s the reality of mental health issues. With regards to relationships, this was only something I really noticed about 4 months in. I’d been happy before that and had no doubts that it would work out with us. But I began to find myself having low moods and, at the time, I didn’t put two and two together. I thought it was just another random low. Plus my anxiety was really hyped up too; everything was just so vivid and heightened. It wasn’t until my mum suggested it was the relationship that I actually twigged and reflected. I’d feel better when I wasn’t due to see him. And then the moods would creep in again as our plans got closer. Pretty straightforward now I look back on it.
2) You’re not bothered about seeing them
Nothing subtle about this one, folks. It speaks absolute volumes if you’re just not bothered about spending time with them. I love my own space and doing my own thing, however, so I’ll happily see a boyfriend once, maybe twice a week. And people have busy lives with tons of other stuff going on aside from your relationship. That’s just life. But if you’re plan-free and still feeling apathetic towards the whole thing, it’s probably time to do some intense thinking.
3) You’re relieved when plans are cancelled
Pretty much goes along with the previous one. I’ve had this numerous times before. We’ve had plans and I’ve either been unwell or something has come up on their side so we’ve had to reschedule. If you feel anything other than disappointed and/or upset when this occurs, you’ve gotta ask yourself some serious questions.
4) You feel unwell a lot
Another tricky one here. As someone who’s had chronic health problems for over 7 years, a relapse and feeling even more unwell than normal isn’t a new phenomenon. You can be plodding along quite nicely then BAM you crash. Sometimes there’s a reason; you’ve had another illness on top, stress, weather, you’ve been overdoing it. For me though, one of the reasons was a previous boyfriend. Again, it wasn’t something I contributed to my relationship until my mum mentioned it. She’d noticed that my health would always take a nose dive a day or so before I was due to see him. It wasn’t like this initially but eventually, it would happen EVERYTIME. I remember suffering with the worst migraines I’ve ever had; and I’ve been prone to headaches and migraines since I was a child. Honestly they were horrendous. I could barely move without the room spinning and the sickness hitting me like a hammer. Lights hurt. Noises hurt. I couldn’t keep any food down. Not nice at all. For me to feel so utterly rotten wasn’t totally new. But to this extent? I’d never experienced anything like that before. So I looked back and yet again, the same scenario arose; I would only get these migraines just before I was supposed to see him. It wouldn’t happen any other time, apart from the odd niggling headache, but those were part and parcel of my chronic illnesses. This was the biggest wakeup call for me. My health needed to come first and I couldn’t do that until I was single again. It all made sense and I wasn’t going to ignore it. My own boyfriend was making me ill.
5) You’ve emotionally checked out
Another not so subtle sign. If you’re no longer invested in a relationship, that’s not a good signal. Of course you may have other stuff going on that’s taking priority in your mind. But if that’s not the case, this may be the cause. You could be feeling a mix of all of these: you don’t want to make it work, you’d happily end and not see them anymore, you’re not bothered about putting time and effort in, they’re no longer your first priority.
6) You feel single
Yep. I said it. I went to that place. If you’re with someone but you mentally and emotionally feel single, it’s time for some major soul-searching. You may even be acting single as well. This is a feeling I know all too well. Essentially, I just didn’t see him as my boyfriend anymore. End of. Admittedly I felt like a first-class bitch about it. I began wondering if there was something wrong with me as a person; maybe I wasn’t meant to be happily taken. But you know what? Shit happens. I couldn’t control the way I was feeling. It just…was. That’s the rollercoaster of life I suppose.
7) They start to really annoy you
Couples get on each others nerves sometimes. You may argue and stress each other out. But in all healthy, workable relationships, you work it out; you WANT to work it out. You love them 100000000x more than you find them to be an annoyance. For me though, this wasn’t the case. We never argued. Neither of us were the type. So it didn’t relate to that. We didn’t really disagree on anything either. He basically did just start to irritate me; to the point where even thinking about him now is making me cringe and shake my head. You know when someone grates on you; whether it’s their personality, actions or even their face or presence? We’ve probably all had someone like that in our lives. Usually it’s someone you can simply avoid or have nothing to do with. But when its your own boyfriend, it’s certainly…interesting
8) You’ve already moved on or thought about it
If you’ve got your eye on other people or have even moved on to someone else, I think it’s fairly obvious that something isn’t right
9) You’re just not happy anymore
Probably the easiest indicator of being with the wrong person. You can talk and talk and talk. You can seek professional help or reach out to family or friends. You can have so many heart to hearts with your partner to try and find the root cause. It may be something totally unrelated and you can resolve it. That’s brilliant if that’s the case. But if you’re no longer happy and it all boils down to your relationship, something has to change. For me, it was a mix of basically all the previous ‘clues’. My health was the worst it had been for years. My depression and anxiety were through the roof. I didn’t want to be around him anymore or make the effort to keep the relationship going. I emotionally checked out. I did feel single. And, whether it was down to all of these factors or it was a contributing factor all on its own, I was definitely not happy and content. I was so utterly relieved to end it. I don’t care how that makes me sound as I had to put myself first. Sure I didn’t like upsetting him and breaking his heart, but I’d rather that than be living a lie with him and continuing an unhappy relationship. It was brewing for ages and it took me a while to pluck up the courage to do it. And it was genuinely the best decision I’ve made for a very long time. I immediately felt a massive weight had been lifted; I felt like I could be myself again and get my life back to where it was.
Well there we go, ladies and gentlemen; my not very scientific but bloody accurate list. And before anyone complains, I 100% recognise that relationships are not black and white. If you’re seeing any of these signs in your life, it may just be a blip or something that can easily be addressed. I’m not here to tell you what to do or how to react to these feelings. Only you can make those decisions. But please please please don’t ignore any of the thoughts you may be having. It is so much worse to bottle it up and push them deep down inside yourself. Our bodies often know whether something is right for us before our minds and hearts do. It could be a sign that you need to move on. It could be a sign that you need to readjust and address some parts of your relationship. Or it could be a sign of something that is completely unrelated.
Basically it comes down to this: how does it make you feel to think about not seeing them again? For me, that was the clincher.
Take care of yourselves.